One thought on “ANTI-HERO + optimism as a sickness

  1. It hasn’t been a very good year for me, both physically and mentally. I have never felt more drained and depleted of time and energy. A bunch of my friends decided to ignore my birthday so I deleted them from social media. I hear you ask, aren’t you throwing out the baby with the bathwater? No not really. What good is having a friend that does not recognise you? What for you are the parameters of what a “friend” can or can’t do before they stop being a friend? Obviously I have reached the end of my rope. I know people that have over four-hundred friends online and I can’t help but think to myself, why? What possible good can be gained by it? Consequent to how I’ve been treated in gaining multiple disabilities and the proceeding shit-storm of my reality in being a disabled man I have had trouble trusting people. Yes that’s right, Andrew has “trust issues” now. You can put your handkerchief’s away though people, it’s not a sad story. The way my life has been going it has made me appreciate the friend’s that have stuck with me throughout my travails and new friends that have accepted me the way I am. Yes I am confined to a wheelchair and I can’t hear properly and I forget more than I remember but I can still laugh and make a joke. I recently had a phone call from a woman that I like. I hadn’t seen her for years and didn’t recognise her phone #. We had a good talk and she said we should catch up. I have tried to call her several times but she is ignoring me now. I will say this because I am a man but that’s all I need right now, another cock-tease. I have been treated worse by men but I feel it more when I am treated badly by a woman. She knows that I like her and I thought that she liked me but now I realise that is just another game that I am destined to lose so I deleted her phone # again. She is half my age and from a part of the world that believes in Karma but obviously she doesn’t. Another woman who has only known me for a short while told me that I had been punished by God in becoming disabled recently. She actually told me it happened because of my bad Karma. Did I believe it when she said it? Fuck no! I was raised an Anglican so I do not believe in an angry God. I believe in a world where everybody has a chance to be forgiven and happy. I believe in a world where everybody has a chance to love and be loved. I believe that love can cure everything. I am always sick from my injuries but I am still waiting for the woman I am in love with to love me back. Merry Christmas babe. Optimism as a sickness

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