MAN SEEKS WOMAN

Male

Thirty-something year old male requires female for companionship

I put the pen down before I used a full stop. I sat and wondered when would be the best place to tell them I was in a wheelchair? I sat and thought for two minutes while picking at a pimple on my right shoulder. I thought of all the pimples on my body and especially the stinky one on the right, halfway down (not Dominion rd) my back. I put the pen down and thought about my life ¬–__–––¬¬——-.

I could say

Well-travelled disabled man seeks female for lots of kissing and hugging.

No I couldn’t. I would get all the ugly chicks or the ones with lots of pets. What could I say? What could I say…? I sat upright and meditated before leaning into the table where I wrote in large print

Man with multiple disabilities seeks woman for friendship and possibly more?

I looked down and didn’t like the question mark or the phrase friendship. Saying the word friendship seemed desperate and I could already see the milk bottle lens glasses shining in the sun and their sick mothers calling them back home for help. I scribbled out what I had written and turned the page over. I wrote

Man under forty seeks woman. I am in a wheelchair and am unfit to work

I liked how honest I was with that but almost immediately recognised that most women would not feel comfortable with that truth so crossed it out.

Man seeks woman

Man seeks non-judgemental woman

Man seeks beautiful non-judgemental woman for relationship

No wait, what right does a brain damaged, partially paralysed and poor man have to a beautiful woman? I thought of all the hotties I had tried to chat-up who had smiled and said no so crossed it out.

I had used up the piece of paper I was writing on so looked for more. The A4 packet was empty so I went to the kitchen and looked for something to write on. I could only find one thing so ripped the back off the bran breakfast cereal. I thought about it as I was tearing and decided to fold the cardboard so the brand name was visible before I started writing. I wrote in large letters,

I need you; I want you and already love you.

I felt foolish for writing it but it was the last thing I had to write on in the house. I wondered wether to write my phone number, mobile or email address below? No, I had to say something about the wheelchair first. I would have to let them know, to avoid the embarrassment, theirs and mine.

Man in wheelchair seeks woman.

There, that’s it. That’ll have to do.

Andrew Stuart Buchanan

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