I guess I’m too lonely horny and desperate. It’s either that or the J was right when he said that social media has actually complicated things. That’s what I keep telling myself. I tell myself that’s it’s not just because I’m in a wheelchair. I try to fool myself into thinking otherwise. That’s what it is, social media. What other possibility is there? I keep seeing women who seem excited to see me. Maybe I’m just too lonely horny and desperate but I perceive a chance in their smiles. There’s another Japanese woman with a face more beautiful than the butterfly. I can hear you asking why I didn’t learn my lesson the first time? I did learn a lesson from Mitsubishi but it’s not the lesson I need right now. This Japanese woman always beams when I arrive. Throughout my meal I’ll catch her smiling at me. I eat the same thing every time I see her. Could that be why? Maybe if I chose something different I would have a chance. I thought women liked stability. I guess there’s nothing wonderful about eel and karaage chicken, hang on, there is something wonderful about it or I wouldn’t keep ordering it. It’s her face, that’s why I tried today. There’s something in her smile that reminds me of sunshine. Every time I eat there I catch her staring at me. I will sit blushing. She wields her heavy knife and steals my smiles. I’ve thought about asking her out for months. I’m not an idiot and I’m not socially inept (I don’t think I am) but life has changed for us all. I keep asking the wrong women. They smile as if they want some. I no longer know why they smile or what they want. It’s not as though I suddenly gained the courage from somewhere today. I saw another knife-wielder from the same place as her today. I was being lead in my wheelchair to Coles. He smiled as he offered a quarter bow and said hello. I offered the same and then thought I would ask about sunshine. I asked if the pretty chef with the fringe had a man? He stared at me with a dumb look and didn’t reply. He just stood with his mouth closed. I asked the same question again. He stared at me without expression and didn’t reply again. I thought of Mitsubishi so repeated the question s-l-o-w-l-y and used my forefinger against my forehead to indicate a fringe. I asked him if she had a boyfriend. He looked through me like a bored bouncer and still didn’t reply. I thought about punching him but asked a final time before he nodded viciously and said yes, yes, yes. I wondered what he was saying yes, yes, yes to? I started thinking. These days that’s all I do, I sit and think. Maybe if I didn’t think I would have more luck. Don’t think just do. No, that sounds too much like Nike. Just do? No, that sounds like something they print on t-shirts in Thailand. Maybe I should just not think? I should ask to be put back on anti-depressants so I cannot think and keep being happy when I’m actually lonely horny and desperate. Maybe then I wouldn’t mind so much. Maybe then I could enjoy my eel and karaage chicken.

Andrew Stuart Buchanan


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